Nobody Noticed
What do you do when you feel the person that you love disappoints you? Not in the usual way. Not just any kind of disappointment. The deep kind. The kind that stings. Really stings. In fact, it stings so deep, you don’t dare even go there. If you do, it will only hurt more.
Is that what she was afraid of? Of getting hurt? Really getting hurt? Time is a great healer, isn’t it? It’s time that helps to bring perspective and time that heals you slowly but surely, or at least that’s what they say.
Yet what if the person who disappoints you, the person who opens that wound, the person who stops protecting you just when you need protecting the most is the person that you would give your life for, the person that you love more than anything or anyone in the world, the person that you have grown up with, admired, learnt from. What if you are so disappointed and hurt, you just don’t feel that you can go back? What do you do then?
Do you confront them yet again and try to make them see your side? Hang on, haven’t you done that countless times? Aren’t you tired of searching for that approval, knowing deep down there’s a chance you will never get it? Or do you grieve? Do you grieve a bond you thought you had, knowing that it has been harmed? Knowing that you will never get the approval you are searching for or feel that you deserve?
Where does that approval even come from? And why as children do we crave it so much? And why then as adults, does that craving increase? Why aren’t we able to cut the cord? Why do we keep trying to be the martyrs we are not meant to be?
So many questions, yet so few answers… So little time, yet so much of it consumed by negativity and fear.
What if we were to start living, truly living? What if we were to wake up one day and find out what life would be like without needing someone else to tell us that everything will be OK, that we are good people, and that our life choices are the right ones? What if…?
As a young child, Lauren had searched so deeply for this approval. She had begged for it, pleaded at times. She had even been on her knees. Yet no matter how much she did for her parents, it was never enough. It never felt like enough. And yet, she just kept trying.